


Avengers Read Mean Tweets

by storiesfortravellers



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Harassment, Humor, M/M, Talk Shows, Twitter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 12:09:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7573528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers go on a talk show and read aloud mean tweets that people have made about them.</p><p>Trigger warnings for harassment, threats, violence, misogyny, body shaming, ageism, other bad things you might find on twitter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Avengers Read Mean Tweets

**Author's Note:**

> For this prompt at avengerkink on lj: _I've seen celebrities read mean tweets and the like. I'd like to see the Avengers read some snarky even nasty tweets rife with misspellings. You can have villains read some tweets too. I'm not that choosy about who the tweet is about but I do want the tweets to be some type of funny._
> 
> Also inspired of course by Jimmy Kimmel's "Mean Tweets" videos.

“Now for one of our favorite segments,” the television host announces, “This time featuring real life superheroes, the Avengers!” (The audience applauds.) “Here we go, everyone, this is the Avengers reading mean tweets that people have made about them.”

\--

(Camera on Hawkeye as he reads)

 _ **hawkeye is the suckiest so called 'hero' EVERRRR!!! bow and arrow aint shit, thats not a superpower #weakass #hungergamescosplay #hawkass #cockeye** _

(Hawkeye looks directly at the camera) “Fuck you, loser.”

 

\--  
_**that black widow bitch is a traitor who thinks shes all that, she needs to die and i have just the gun for it #realamerica #neverforget #notallmen** _

(Black Widow raises her eyebrow) “You do realize that disarming idiots in the most painful way possible is one of my specialties, right? And you know that it’s incredibly easy to find you by tracking the cell phone that you used to make this tweet. You know that, right?”

 

\--

_**iron mans sidekick war machine is a tool of the military industrial complex and will bring dystopia to all of us!!!** _

“Sidekick? Are you kidding me? I’m not his sidekick!”

 

\--

_**the hulk is roided up and green and gross but he’s still better looking than bruce branning lololol #burn #avengersuck** _

“That’s … not how you spell my name.” 

 

\--

_**Scarlet witch should eat a damn sandwich!!!!!!!!!** _

“I enjoy sandwiches very much. Why is this an insult?... Oh, this is what is called ‘body shaming.’ In that case-” (Raises her middle finger to the camera)

 

\--

_**falcon is a wannabe steampunk douchebro. for realz.** _

“… This twitter user is a wannabe comedian douchebro. And that actually is ‘for realz’!”

 

\--

_**wtf is ‘vision’ that dude looks like a bright red ass pimple** _

“I suppose analogies are useful to those struggling to understand beings who are different from themselves. In some ways, this struggle is what defines consciousness itself.”

 

\--

_**whys everybody acting like tony starks still hot he’s old and nasty and his face looks like a testicle with a goatee** _

(Tony looks directly into the camera.) “Funny you should say that – actually, both my testicles have goatees.” (He stands up, unzips his pants to show the camera, but there is a loud beep as the image is censored.)

 

\--

_**so we all know thors hammer is a symbol for peen right? like obv we all know that #freud #constantlytouchinghishammer** _

(Thor looks very confused) “The hammer was a gift from my father.”

 

\--

_**captain america would love to suck my big hairy dick #diksuckinglips #thatass** _

(Steve frowns at the camera) “That’s really inappropriate, Tony.”


End file.
